How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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