i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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