Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
