so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
