I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
