The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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