I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't notice because vodka
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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