well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
