She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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