No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
