Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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