chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
