Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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