watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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