She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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