Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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