i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
