I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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