I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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