nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
