she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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