there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
