Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
