Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i think i just lost a toe
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
