why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
