is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You ruined the universe
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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