He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
