Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
