The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
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