woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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