So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
