so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
