Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
