bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
