The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
