So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
