these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
