forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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