So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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