can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
