I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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