my phone needs a breathalizer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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