3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
