Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
