How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
her facebook's as public as her vagina
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
