Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
