your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
