I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
