It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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