Already got asked if we're dating
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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