You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
