the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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