Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
