And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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