He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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