The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I could fuck to npr.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
