zippers are such a cool invention
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Two words: blizzard sex
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
