I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
