I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
