Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
