But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
