My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
