in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
why do cheetos always look like penises
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Let's paint friendship bongs
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When are your genitals available?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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