This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
