Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
