just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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